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By Mike Ashby
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"Hi there!
I'm here for the smorgasbord ... I'd buy
a ticket, but I don't have a billfold.
Come to think of it, I don't even have a
pocket to put a billfold in. I'm not
even sure how I rang the doorbell. Do
you have any Girl Scout cookies?" |
Whitetail deer are finding life among humans is
not so bad after all. In fact, given the variety of foods their
human neighbors provide, life has never been so
good for the big-tailed critters.
In addition to all the
smorgasbord of delightful fruits, flowers, and
vegetables, and the fact that not many predators
have (as of yet) moved into the neighborhood, is
not too bad for them, either.
Whether these creatures are
just adapting to humans (who in many cases have
moved into the deer’s back yard in the first
place), or have been enticed into our back yards
by corn, grains, or apples we raise, the fact
remains that deer flat-out like living next to
us. They never had it better.
Even my old yellow lab has
grown complacent concerning them.
When asked to go forth and chase the deer
out of the garden, he flashes a huge yawn and an
expression of boredom that only a lab can give.
Only the threat of not going duck hunting
will cause my lab to behave as a dog should, and
even when he ambles toward them, they deer act
as if it’s all a big joke.
In fact, they are becoming
so emboldened that rather than running off at
the sound of an approaching human, the deer
often throw a defiant look as if to say, “We
were here first, you go away.”
Brazen hussies!
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"Ssssshhh ...
I'm hiding in yer ornim .. ormanen ...
uh, flowers." |
All this foraging by our wild neighbors can
result in damage to the shrubs, trees and
ornamentals, we so assiduously plant and tend,
not to mention what a doe and her fawn can do to
a row of green beans in the dark of the night.
So is there any remedy?
Since deer seem here to
stay, not feeding them intentionally seems moot.
They are going to mow down flowers and
roses anyway.
Researching preventative
methods will provide some ideas, none of which,
beyond the ubiquitous umpteen-foot tall deer
fence, are 100-percent effective.
The only remedy that seems
to be truly effective is the old redneck method
of shoot, shovel and shut up.
Given that getting caught
practicing that method involves saying hello to
a conservation officer, then a judge, and then
giving up some of your money, not to mention a
possible stay in the local hoosegow, it’s not
all that practical.
I’ve seen other methods
tried, one of which involves installing a motion
detector on a garden hose.
When motion is detected, a stream of
water will issue forth.
Forgetting to turn the
thing off can have some delightful consequences,
such as the comments by the wife when she gets a
shower at 6 a.m. when doing chores.
Leaving a radio going in
the garden seems deter them somewhat.
I’ve found the deer seem to prefer
classical music best.
You’ll know this method’s not real
effective when you find deer bedded down next to
the radio, tapping a hoof to the tunes.
Then there is the idea of
hanging various items from trees and shrubs,
such as clothes dryer perfumed sheets.
This method is kind of neat; actually, as
it makes your apples smell spring fresh.
It sort of looks like a lot
of spiders have taken up residence in your
trees.
After a few days, the sheets begin to fade and
look like flimsy spider nest hanging from the
branches.
Some references have been
made to sprinkling urine round about the
premises.
and this is really an old time remedy.
I suspect our ancestors did not have to
be concerned about their neighbor’s wonderment
when they went forth and used their trees as a
rest stop.
Doing that today, however,
might result in another visit by some officer of
the law.
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| "You want me
to do what in what?! ... Hang on ... let
me laugh a little louder!" |
Deer are turned off, I’ve been told, by the
smell of certain wildlife tinkle, the biggest
turnoff being that of the cougar, an item that
can be obtained from some specialty catalog
stores.
I still ponder just how
they get them big cats to potty in a bottle.
Soaking a soft rope in this
stuff, and then stringing said rope about the
property line is said to be very effective.
Once again, our neighbors
may regard us a trifle eccentric, if not
outright dangerous, when the aroma of wild cat
urine reaches them.
Last, but certainly not
least, is the use of various commercial deer
repellant concoctions, which when sprayed on
various greenery are said to repel deer.
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What a
commercial repellant concoction might
look like, |
These sprays are a concentrate, usually mixed at
a three to one ratio.
Most of them advertise themselves as
‘rain proof’ for a period of time.
Upon checking the labels, I learned the
primary ingredients are eggs, garlic and
something to make it all stick, like liquid soap
of one kind or another.
I made a few phone calls to
some old timers in Boundary County and learned
they had used a varying amount of eggs and
garlic in their sprayers.
On getting the cook’s permission, I
rounded up 12 eggs from her chickens, half a
dozen garlic gloves and her blender.
(A word of warning to you fellers ...
make sure you get permission to use the blender.
The thing makes an awful mess if you
leave the lid off and then turn it on,
especially with that many eggs in it.)
After having blended the
mixture, strain it through a cheese cloth so as
not to plug up your sprayer with breakfast.
I mixed this mess with three gallons of
water and headed towards the garden, feeling
somewhat like Don Quixote.
Since a little dab went a
long way, I ended up spraying just about
everything a deer may have wanted to munch,
including the cook’s tomatoes, peppers, and
cucumbers.
Personally, I thought the
spray gave a nice touch to the taste of those
items, but apparently the cook did not.
Again, gents, make sure you
tell the person in charge of dinner what you’ve
sprayed with this stuff.
As this concoction ages, it
really takes on a strong smell; that of rotten
eggs to be precise.
If your neighbors have not
judged you certifiably nuts by this time, this
wonderful stink will do the trick.
I tried to baffle my neighbors by telling
them it must be a new variant of skunk in the
neighborhood, but I don’t think they believed
me.
In any event, whitetails
are not going to give up their new digs very
quickly or without a struggle.
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"Wow! Thanks
... all this for me? Awww ... you
shouldn't have!" |
They've found life around humans is delicious
... especially when it comes to our gardens.
Like the skunk, these
creatures have adapted to us and we must learn
to live with them.
Watching them can be very
entertaining, too, especially when a dominant
doe shows she is the boss and makes all the
other deer ‘hoof’ the mark.
We can all learn life
lessons from the observation of our wild
neighbors, even when we are mumbling about the
mutilated greenery.
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