|
Musings from Moyieboy ... |
|
Enough Chicago already! |
|
March 29, 2017 |
By Ken Carpenter
A fellow told his co-worker that he had just
turned down a huge raise because he didn’t want
to move to crime ridden Chicago. His friend
replied that he had lived in Chicago for ten
years and never had a single encounter with a
crime of any kind.
“Oh, what did you do in Chicago?” the first man
asked.
The second man puffed up with pride and replied,
“I was a tail-gunner on a bread truck.”
You may ask why I have a grudge against Chicago
when I have never been there and have never even
been bad mouthed by a Chicago native (that I
know of).
I must admit that my problem with Chicago is
fairly recent but seems to be escalating. It
comes down to this; there are now four TV series
with Chicago in the title. Chicago Fire, Chicago
Justice, Chicago Med and Chicago P.D. are all on
major networks.
It seems totally ridiculous to me, and while I
should maybe not have let it become a pain in my
rump, it is and I can’t do anything about it.
That does not mean that I hold anything against
the folks who watch any of these shows. However,
if you watch all four of them, please move to
Chicago. You are being brainwashed and might
soon be a threat to those around you.
After all, Chicago has more murders per year
than New York and Los Angeles combined, and Al
Capone might still be their most famous citizen.
I don’t care what city it is, if any single
metropolis had four TV shows with its name in
the title, it would piss me off. What is the
world coming to and what is next? I suppose
there will soon be four Los Angeles reality
shows, which are another thing I can’t stand
because there is nothing real about them.
LA Yuppies, LA Strippers (OK, I might check that
one out, but purely for research purposes and
only once. Cross my heart.), LA Snobs and LA
Traffic come to mind.
Having had my say, or part of it anyway, I
suppose I should be fair and point out a few
things Chicago did before anybody else.
From a food angle they introduced a dizzying
array of items that satisfy but can’t be
confused with staples. The 1893 World’s Fair
brought Cracker Jacks (said by many historians
to be the world’s first junk food -- Yay!),
Chocolate Brownies, Cream of Wheat, Shredded
Wheat, Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix and Juicy Fruit
Gum to the forefront of American food products.
Hamburgers and hot dogs were both said to be
served there for the first time on buns, and I
have to admit they are a staple if anything is.
Twinkies(1930) and Deep Dish Pizza (1943) were
two other notable and tasty foods brought to the
world by Chicago.
Getting back to the World’s Fair, it was famous
for unveiling the world’s first Ferris Wheel,
which had a 250 foot diameter and sported sixty
24-foot by 13-foot cars that held 2,160
passengers. It took nine minutes to make one
revolution, a slow pace that probably helped to
squelch terrified squeals.
It also brought in almost $400,000 and saved the
fair from losing money.
The first electric dishwasher also made its
appearance at the World’s Fair, but no mention
is made of how clean it actually got the dishes.
Regardless, it became very popular.
The world’s first vacuum cleaner was born in
Chicago in 1869. It doesn’t sound very practical
to me though, for you had to turn a hand crank
with one hand while pushing it with the other.
Handling a broom sounds preferable to me.
Playboy magazine started in Chicago in 1953, and
the first issue had Marilyn Monroe on the cover.
It sold 50,000 copies and males everywhere
entered a new, skin-tinted world.
OK, I think I have been very fair in showing
some good things Chicago gave the world. That
does nothing to dampen my disgust with the
entertainment industry for cramming four Chicago
themed TV series down our throats.
It is gagging me like a ping-pong ball lodged in
the airway.
I also don’t like the fact that Chicago is very
unfair to animals.
They blamed an innocent cow for starting the
Great Chicago Fire in 1871 and they faulted a
blameless goat for putting a 108-year
championship curse on the Chicago Cubs. How low
can you go?
To pay them back, I have a couple more Chicago
jokes to share.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Chicago? A: Because they
couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Seattle to Chicago? A: Both cities
become smarter.
Well, I think maybe I went too far with the last
one. I shouldn’t insult blondes like that.
As for Chicago, well, if they cancel at least
three of their four shows I may give them a
break. Don’t count on it too much though, they
are still biased against defenseless animals and
I like my animals. |
|
Questions or comments about this
article?
Click here to e-mail! |
|
|
|
|
