For deer, life among humans was never so good
February 11, 2012

By Mike Ashby

 

"Hi there! I'm here for the smorgasbord ... I'd buy a ticket, but I don't have a billfold. Come to think of it, I don't even have a pocket to put a billfold in. I'm not even sure how I rang the doorbell. Do you have any Girl Scout cookies?"
Whitetail deer are finding life among humans is not so bad after all.  In fact, given the variety of foods their human neighbors provide, life has never been so good for the big-tailed critters.

 

In addition to all the smorgasbord of delightful fruits, flowers, and vegetables, and the fact that not many predators have (as of yet) moved into the neighborhood, is not too bad for them, either.

 

Whether these creatures are just adapting to humans (who in many cases have moved into the deer’s back yard in the first place), or have been enticed into our back yards by corn, grains, or apples we raise, the fact remains that deer flat-out like living next to us. They never had it better.

 

Even my old yellow lab has grown complacent concerning them. When asked to go forth and chase the deer out of the garden, he flashes a huge yawn and an expression of boredom that only a lab can give. Only the threat of not going duck hunting will cause my lab to behave as a dog should, and even when he ambles toward them, they deer act as if it’s all a big joke.

 

In fact, they are becoming so emboldened that rather than running off at the sound of an approaching human, the deer often throw a defiant look as if to say, “We were here first, you go away.”

 

Brazen hussies!

 

"Ssssshhh ... I'm hiding in yer ornim .. ormanen ... uh, flowers."
All this foraging by our wild neighbors can result in damage to the shrubs, trees and ornamentals, we so assiduously plant and tend, not to mention what a doe and her fawn can do to a row of green beans in the dark of the night.

 

So is there any remedy?

 

Since deer seem here to stay, not feeding them intentionally seems moot. They are going to mow down flowers and roses anyway.

 

Researching preventative methods will provide some ideas, none of which, beyond the ubiquitous umpteen-foot tall deer fence, are 100-percent effective.

 

The only remedy that seems to be truly effective is the old redneck method of shoot, shovel and shut up.

 

Given that getting caught practicing that method involves saying hello to a conservation officer, then a judge, and then giving up some of your money, not to mention a possible stay in the local hoosegow, it’s not all that practical. 

 

I’ve seen other methods tried, one of which involves installing a motion detector on a garden hose. When motion is detected, a stream of water will issue forth. 

 

Forgetting to turn the thing off can have some delightful consequences, such as the comments by the wife when she gets a shower at 6 a.m. when doing chores. 

 

Leaving a radio going in the garden seems deter them somewhat.  I’ve found the deer seem to prefer classical music best. You’ll know this method’s not real effective when you find deer bedded down next to the radio, tapping a hoof to the tunes.

 

Then there is the idea of hanging various items from trees and shrubs, such as clothes dryer perfumed sheets. This method is kind of neat; actually, as it makes your apples smell spring fresh.

 

It sort of looks like a lot of spiders have taken up residence in your trees. After a few days, the sheets begin to fade and look like flimsy spider nest hanging from the branches.

 

Some references have been made to sprinkling urine round about the premises.  and this is really an old time remedy. I suspect our ancestors did not have to be concerned about their neighbor’s wonderment when they went forth and used their trees as a rest stop.

 

Doing that today, however, might result in another visit by some officer of the law.

 

"You want me to do what in what?! ... Hang on ... let me laugh a little louder!"
Deer are turned off, I’ve been told, by the smell of certain wildlife tinkle, the biggest turnoff being that of the cougar, an item that can be obtained from some specialty catalog stores.

 

I still ponder just how they get them big cats to potty in a bottle.

 

Soaking a soft rope in this stuff, and then stringing said rope about the property line is said to be very effective.

 

Once again, our neighbors may regard us a trifle eccentric, if not outright dangerous, when the aroma of wild cat urine reaches them.

 

Last, but certainly not least, is the use of various commercial deer repellant concoctions, which when sprayed on various greenery are said to repel deer.

 

What a commercial repellant concoction might look like,
These sprays are a concentrate, usually mixed at a three to one ratio. Most of them advertise themselves as ‘rain proof’ for a period of time. Upon checking the labels, I learned the primary ingredients are eggs, garlic and something to make it all stick, like liquid soap of one kind or another.

 

I made a few phone calls to some old timers in Boundary County and learned they had used a varying amount of eggs and garlic in their sprayers. On getting the cook’s permission, I rounded up 12 eggs from her chickens, half a dozen garlic gloves and her blender.  (A word of warning to you fellers ... make sure you get permission to use the blender. The thing makes an awful mess if you leave the lid off and then turn it on, especially with that many eggs in it.)

 

After having blended the mixture, strain it through a cheese cloth so as not to plug up your sprayer with breakfast.  I mixed this mess with three gallons of water and headed towards the garden, feeling somewhat like Don Quixote.

 

Since a little dab went a long way, I ended up spraying just about everything a deer may have wanted to munch, including the cook’s tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers.

 

Personally, I thought the spray gave a nice touch to the taste of those items, but apparently the cook did not.

 

Again, gents, make sure you tell the person in charge of dinner what you’ve sprayed with this stuff.

 

As this concoction ages, it really takes on a strong smell; that of rotten eggs to be precise.

 

If your neighbors have not judged you certifiably nuts by this time, this wonderful stink will do the trick. I tried to baffle my neighbors by telling them it must be a new variant of skunk in the neighborhood, but I don’t think they believed me.

 

In any event, whitetails are not going to give up their new digs very quickly or without a struggle.

 

"Wow! Thanks ... all this for me? Awww ... you shouldn't have!"
They've found life around humans is delicious ... especially when it comes to our gardens.

 

Like the skunk, these creatures have adapted to us and we must learn to live with them.

 

Watching them can be very entertaining, too, especially when a dominant doe shows she is the boss and makes all the other deer ‘hoof’ the mark.

 

We can all learn life lessons from the observation of our wild neighbors, even when we are mumbling about the mutilated greenery.