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Musings from Moyieboy ... |
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Boy, that beer has a wizz to it! |
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June 26, 2017 |
By Ken Carpenter
It seems the world never runs out of new and
different ideas, some good but most on the
debatable side as far as being useful to
mankind. About 7,000 years ago one of mankind’s
greatest achievements took place.
Beer was invented then, or at least that is how
old the earliest remnants were dated. It could
be argued that that invention created more
smiles and more fistfights than anything else in
history.
Pilsner beer, the world’s first blond lager, was
first produced in Bohemia, then part of the
Austrian Empire. The original recipe is still
made there.
Denmark eventually made Pilsner its own, or said
they did, and Pilsner is now its most popular
beer.
Danish brewery Norrebo Bryghus has now taken a
step in the brewing process that nobody could
have foreseen. It started at Denmark’s Roskilde
Music Festival in 2015. Over 130,000 music
loving beer drinkers attended. Even more so than
usual, heavy beer swilling was encouraged.
Have you ever heard the saying “this beer tastes
like urine?” Somehow this opinion inspired the
craft brewery in Copenhagen to pursue a warped
idea, and let’s hope it wasn’t one of those
childhood dreams we hear so much about.
People have probably been institutionalized for
far less disturbing ideas.
The brewery collected over 10,000 gallons of
urine from the festival, then proceeded to
fertilize their barley fields it. They called it
“beercycling,” a new way to fertilize the future
malt for their Pilsner.
No actual pee is in the beer, only the malt from
which is was created.
Of course, it didn’t quite qualify as Pilsner,
so it naturally became Pisner. I suppose that
was only natural, but I wondered if there was a
power struggle in the naming process. Were
titles submitted such as Peener, Urinzer,
Tinklner or Wizzner? Maybe not, but it sounds
fun to me.
60,000 bottles of Pisner were made with the
specialty malt, and it will hit the market at
the end of June 2017. Shortly after the Pisner
story became known, many immediately dubbed it
“Hipster” beer.
I don’t know why, but I’m guessing hipsters are
about as popular over there as they are here.
Personally, I wouldn’t know a hipster if he
walked up and asked me where the nearest loo was
located.
So if urine luck (sorry, couldn’t help it), some
of the infamous Pisner may make it this way
before it is all hipstered up. Don’t bet on it
though. Somehow I suspect that the foamy supply
will be hosed up before any leaves Europe.
People are warped, that’s all there is to it,
and I suspect the novelty factor will make it
popular.
This story got me thinking, a scary thing in
these parts. What are some other disgusting
alcoholic drinks around the world?
A traditional “health tonic” in Chinese and
Korean cultures consists of taking freshly born
baby mice, eyes still closed, and dropping them
into a jug of rice wine. The wine is then left
to ferment and after the process is complete,
the wine is imbibed and the mouse is eaten. This
beverage is called Baby Mice Wine, and you are
all allowed to leave the room to puke.
The most disgusting name for a drink was
invented when some idiot mixed up 50% beer with
50% milk and drank it down just like he had
sense. Some perceptive witness to the deed
dubbed it Horse Jizz.
Bring on the Pepto Bismol!
Mayonnaise is perplexingly popular in more than
one alcoholic mixture, a crime if you ask me.
The Tapeworm Shot is Vodka and Tabasco Sauce
with a healthy squeeze from a mayonnaise bottle.
Next up is the Smoker’s Cough, a blend of
Jagermeister and Mayonnaise. I suspect that even
smoking wouldn’t be as bad for you as this vile
concoction.
If you are a fan of Jagermeister, you may
delight in forcing down an Eggermeister. This
little masterpiece is a pickled egg soaked in
Jager, then placed in a glass with more Jager. I
love pickled eggs, hated Jager when I used to
drink, and am at present gagging at the thought
of the combination.
The name of the next one makes me want to hurl.
The Infected Whitehead Shot is Vodka, Bloody
Mary mix and a spoonful of cottage cheese.
Please save this one for your irritating
brother-in-law.
Sinking further into the quagmire, we move on to
New Zealand where they have a chocolate stout
that includes a measure of “export quality” deer
semen. The brave, ignorant souls who have
sampled it describe it as creamy. Urrrggh! It is
called Stag Semen Stout, just in case anyone
wants to place an order to New Zealand.
Snake Bile Wine explains itself. Popular in
China, it is made of the bile from a Cobra gall
bladder added to wine. In traditional Chinese
medicine it is said to be able to do everything
from reversing hair loss to eliminating phlegm,
and even improving sexual performance.
Consider me bald and limp.
Seagull Wine is made by the creative Innuits, up
by the Arctic circle, who stuff a dead seagull
in a jar and let it sit in the sun until it
ferments. I guess it gets them drunk, so who
cares?
I do, rotten carcasses should not be put down
your throat.
There is a Latin American corn-based beer called
Chicha, which could not be made without a
traditional ingredient. The component is about
as traditional as you can get if you are looking
for an inexhaustible supply source. The drink
has two ingredients, corn and the human saliva
needed to break down starches into sugars.
“Hey, hombre, where ya going?”
“Going to work, dude. Been swilling fluids all
night so I don’t run out of spit for their
damned beer. Ever hear about a Corona?”
Last, forever last, disgustingly last and meant
to be burned from your memory banks forever,
comes ttongsul. This abomination is of Korean
origin and it is made by fermenting human feces.
That’s right, served in a bowl it could be
called “poop soup.”
A Korean doctor who makes it says that the
“ideal” material comes from children between the
ages of four and six. It is another of the
loathsome traditional brews that supposedly has
healing properties.
The rotten concoction almost disappeared in the
1960’s, but has apparently made quite the
comeback. That is not a good sign for mankind
and the future of the world.
I’m feeling a bit queasy after this journey
through the dark side. The odd thing is, I can’t
even stand the thought of letting a drink of
water pass my lips.
Who knows what vile microbes might be lurking in
the bottom of the glass. |
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